The metamorphosis and caregiving

As I was reading the metamorphosis, it struck me how pitiful and touching Gregor's attempts to hold on to his humanity are. How he couldn't help but be a burden to his family. Even as his family attempted to care for him, their initial good intentions faded over the course of the story, they were unable to understand or empathise with him by the end, and the care they had provided became painful. When he finally dies, Gregor “thought of his family with tenderness and love”. His family, on the other hand, reacted with great relief, as they were finally able to move on with their lives.

“If he could understand us,” repeated the old man, shutting his eyes to consider his daughter’s conviction that understanding was impossible, “then perhaps we might come to some agreement with him. But as it is …” “He must go,” cried Gregor’s sister, “that’s the only solution, Father. You must just try to get rid of the idea that this is Gregor. The fact that we’ve believed it for so long is the root of all our misfortune. But how can it be Gregor? If this were Gregor, he would have realized long ago that human beings can’t live with such a creature, and he’d have gone away of his own accord. We wouldn’t have any brother then, but we’d be able to go on living and keep his memory in honor. As it is, this creature persecutes us, drives away our boarders, obviously wants the whole apartment to himself, and would have us all sleep in the gutter. “

As we approach the end, the family bemoans Gregor’s inability to understand and cooperate with them. Ironically, it is his family who loses their ability to understand Gregor, growing to hate him in his current form.

The one that had shown the most care throughout the story was his sister – Grete. She brings him food, clears it up and even attempts to shift his furniture to bring him more comfort. She was generally able to set aside her revulsion to provide for Gregor, and did what she could to keep him alive. However this slowly starts to become a twisted sense of responsibility. As they confine themselves to the house, the sister doesn't allow anyone else to touch Gregor's room. This insistence on taking on the burdens, shows her actions taking on a tinge of obsession rather than love. As she takes on more and more sacrifices, her dissatisfaction leads to gradual disillusionment, allowing Gregor’s room to turn dirty. Eventually, of course, leading to her eventual breakdown quoted above.

His mother is similarly characterised by her attempts to keep Gregor alive, but with an element of delusion. Initially, She fervently believes that Gregor will eventually recover. As seen when she opposes the attempt to remove Gregor's furniture, claiming: “I think it would be best to keep his room exactly as it has always been, so that when he comes back to us he will find everything unchanged and be able to forget all the more easily what has happened in the meantime.”.Here she speaks of Gregor’s return as a certainty when it is more so an impossibility. The root of this is her lack of courage to see Gregor’s changes as they are. Quite literally as she faints at the sight of him and finds herself unable to approach the creature. When the time comes to finally confront the creature, and her hopes are shattered, there is no love lost between mother and son.

On the contrary, Gregor's father had no qualms seeing Gregor as – in his eyes, a disgusting creature. When Gregor breaks out from the room, his father is the one that corners him and quite savagely attacks him with apples, causing a great injury. Perhaps he was the most clear eyed of them all, for the moment Gregor had revealed himself, he had reacted with aggression and distrust.

Of course, one must remind ourselves that although we can hear the inner thoughts and considerations of Gregor, his family can only see a large bug. They were kind people that were faced with caring for someone that had been changed irreparably. In fact, the ability to set aside reservations and keep him alive is rather miraculous. However, the sacrifices, shattered hopes and rage built up to a well of resentment, that destroyed all the patience they had left.

Truly, caregiving, especially when your loved one has changed beyond recognition is thankless, painful work. It is easy to understand how your love for someone can become a chain that makes you hateful.

In conclusion, if anyone ever asks you: “Would you still love me if I was a worm?”, you might pause and consider: “Could you still love them if it meant bearing sacrifices peacefully, accepting that the person is lost forever, and seeing them at their absolute worst?”. One can only hope.