November

The year is ending huh. It feels like I have done so much and nothing at the same time. I spent about 7 months killing time at home, doing things like coding websites, putting the chicken in the box at KFC, and watching copius amounts of youtube. Unfortunately I probably wont remember this year for the incredibly exciting times spent centering a div, but for the 5 months spent in the army. Yeah... Its the national service year. For my own personal amusement, and for the maybe one person that chances upon this that is also gonna serve, I decided to write down some thoughts.

OK before that some context: I am Singaporean (majulah...) and national service is mandatory for every male here. To sort of paint a picture of NS, or at least basic military training, where u spend the first 2 months in, imagine a bunch of young men doing physical training and occasionally shooting rifles, getting shouted at by other young men who happen to have 3 stripes on their chest, doing busy work, and living together in a stuffy room.

Thoughts on NS

1. Adapting to communal life

Looking back, the biggest culture shock to me was adapting to sharing a room with other strangers. It was different because there were always people around me. This was made very clear by the many alarms ringing one after the other on the first day. Evidently, life is different with others. Firstly, this meant there's always someone to talk to, to help you with packing, to share the music with, to complain about the meals to. Furthermore, the axiom that nothing is too hard with friends around you is true. Sleeping in a hole as it rained, walking rounds with your field pack crushing your shoulders, doing one more set of four for the core... It never felt unberable. At times it was almost... fun.

Of course, there are always two sides to the story. People can be mean and their words can hurt, even well meaning exchanges can feel overwhelming when repeated throughout the day. At times, you just want to retreat into your own space, away from everyone else... but that place doesn't exist. This was especially tiring for me intially, as I was used to having time for a social and private version of me, there was the me that like talking and joking, and another part that just wanted to read and draw at my own pace. In NS I felt like I wasn't given the space to do my own things, and be quiet. It is pretty important to find your own time. You don't always have to acknowledge the others in the room.

The other part of it is that spending time with a large group of people naturally leads to gossip. Lots and lots of gossip - everyone has an opinion on everyone. At times, the crowds of public opinion can collapse on you, leading to a torrent of hate and scorn. The slow, the fat, the weak, at times, the bullying directed towards them felt like a pack of wolves taking turns to take a bite out of their prey. One can only cope by trying to hang with the right people, and do your best not to add fuel to the fire. No matter what, stay true to your values and be the person you want to be, not what your environment is moulding you to become.

2. The question of effort

Inside of me there are two wolves... one is a dirty skiver, and the other is a saikang (translates to: shit work, meaning someone who is willing to do the chores and assignments that others do not want to touch) warrior. will admit the motivation to try is lacking alot of the time. I am always tempted to take the easy way out, to not put in effort during PT, to let someone else grab the rations, to avoid eye contact when the sergeant asks for volunteers. Especially putting aside IPPT and shooting, which are the two events with monetary incentives, and emphasising saikang things like throwing the trash or studying the theory, people can be downright lazy.

While I have not always emobdied this, I really hope I can put in more effort in the future. Firstly because its kinda scary think of the soldiers of the Singapore armed forces not taking their jobs seriously. At the very least, we need to be able to the job if the time comes. This means taking fitness seriously, trying your best in shooting, listening in theory classes, and doing SRT if possible. Secondly, I believe that how you do one thing is how you do everything. Being the kind of guy who takes the easy way out during NS does not mean you will magically stop being this person out of NS. The habits of tomorrow are built today. So, if I want to be the kind of person who is selfless and works hard, it has to start now.

All that aside, being overzealous is also a common pitfall. I'm pretty injury prone but I still tried to push through it on multiple occasions. In hindsight, the best thing to do is almost always to fall out the moment you discover something is wrong, get it checked, take some light duty, and come back stronger. There is always another day to train.

Stuff i liked

1. Human acts by Han Kang. A very depressing but very touching book about the gwangju uprising. People really are willing to die for a cause huh:

"Conscience, the most terrifying thing in the world" ― Han Kang, Human Acts

2. 12 Angry men. A movie about 12 people yapping in a room for a long time. I still think about it whenever I or someone around me makes a hasty judgment, stereotypes someone or speaks a little too quickly. I wish I had the moral courage shown in this movie.

“JUDGE: One man is dead. The life of another is at stake. I urge you to deliberate honestly and thoughtfully. If this is a reasonable doubt - then you must bring me a verdict of ‘not guilty.‘” ― 12 Angry men

3. Keeping two by jordan crane. Its a short comic, just find a copy and read it in one sitting, trust me.